Meet our hero: a wide-eyed, sleep-deprived swamp gremlin caught in the emotional purgatory of online dating. Clutching their smartphone like it holds the answers to life’s deepest mysteries (spoiler: it doesn’t), they’re trapped in the ultimate dilemma—swipe left, swipe right, or just throw the phone in the nearest bog and call it a day. Their bloodshot eyes scream, “Will I ever find love, or am I destined to die alone, surrounded by poorly cropped selfies and unsolicited gym pics?”
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